A Nice Way To Say “No”

Refusals are never easy to write. It will help if you are clear in your own mind that you do indeed want to say "no"; any ambivalence will undermine your letter. One very good reason for saying "no" is simply "I don't want to." When you have a specific reason for saying no and want to name it, do so. However, the fact that someone else wants you to do something confers no obligation on you to defend your decision.

Write a letter of refusal when giving a negative response to invitations: personal/business; proposals; requests; suggestions; wedding invitations. Below is a list of what to say and what not to say.

1. Thank the person for the offer, request, invitation.

2. State your "no," expressing your regret at having to do so. If appropriate, explain your position.

3. End with a pleasant wish to be of more help next time, to see the person again, or for good luck. Avoid lengthy, involved excuses and apologies; they are far from convincing, even if true.

4. Avoid phrases like "you may think," "according to you," "you claim." Restate the person's request, complaint, or angry letter in an unemotional, factual way.

5. Do not attribute your refusal to someone else's actions ("my wife doesn't care for . ,) except in the incidental way that, for example, a prior engagement prevents you from doing something.

6. Avoid outright lies. It is too easy to be caught out, and you will be a lot more comfortable with yourself and with the other person the next time you meet if you stick to the truth.

Remember the following tips when writing a refusal letter:

1. Start out your refusal with a "thank you," if appropriate: "Thank you for your invitation, request, suggestion, proposal."

2. Be tactful. Avoid reflecting on the person you're writing to or on their invitation. State your refusal in terms of some inability on your part  such as will be out of town," or simply "will be unable to attend".

3. Always keep your reply even-tempered and detached.

4. When possible, try to lessen the writer's disappointment in some way: Offer to help at a later date; suggest someone else who might be able to provide the same assistance;  apologize for your inability to approve the request; try to show some benefit to them from your refusal, then thank them for their interest/request/concern.

5. Such a small thing as reversing the order of your phrases may help. Give the reason for your refusal before actually stating the refusal.

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 Written By:
 Keith Lee